Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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