I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
