You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
