it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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