she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
