I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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