Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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