u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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