Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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