Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
