She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize
