Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
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