i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
