i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
