Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Randomize
