if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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