Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
