what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
