I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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