At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Even the bartender felt bad for me
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Randomize