I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
