I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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