It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I touched a dick in church today
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
