My first STD was from a foam party
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Randomize
