Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
what day is it and did you see me today?
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
