38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
