If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
