I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
