I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
My vagina just recognized that song.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
