I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
