I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
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