Duck Duck Cougar?
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
