when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
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