I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
