Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
