she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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