Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
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