you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Boobs are out for the taking
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
