I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
