I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
