Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
