is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
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