is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
