She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Randomize
