he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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