just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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