don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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