And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
