genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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