Moan for me like Helen Keller
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
