4 words: hood of his car
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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