I want to walk on stilts...naked
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
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