we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
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