drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
