In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
