can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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