You're earring is so big in my mouth
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Randomize
