Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
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