why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
