my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Someone shit on the floor
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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