just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
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