I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize