Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Oh and itβs been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! ππππ¬π³π
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