Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
