I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
