Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
