I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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