This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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